So - it's been awhile since I put in an entry. There are just so many things that I want to talk about and delve into detail but I'm always jumping from one interest to the next, nothing gets completed. This is pretty representative of my overall way of being - unfortunate - but creativity abound. A tangible deliverable result can happen if I really force myself to. But that will not be the point of this post. I will try not to do this again in the future - but I feel like this post should be spent catching up on all the thoughts I've been having for the past couple of weeks that I just want to capture before I forget.
Next topic! So it's been three weeks into a new post I'm trying. By post, I mean job. It's been interesting so far, lots of learning but nothing upon-which to build a career. It's a brief money-making plan I have for myself that is the least stressful with the most income. And so that's how I arrived at that. I think my time these days are better spent recharging for a year of brutal classes/thesis writing so I can take in as much of the world at my leisure as I possibly can, get some outside reading done, and brush up on the required skills I will need once I'm back in school.
So first week of this sanity-equilibrium job I found was interesting. Should I say it? Everyone I work with is Eastern European. All the people doing the work are Asian. It's so obvious it's laughable and embarrassing. Second week I find out the other colleague can't pull his weight, and I spent all my time cleaning up things that really isn't my responsibility. Third week (this week) will probably be another interesting one. We met our executive director. I think I may have met the smartest most brilliantly well rounded skilled charismatic and interesting person I have met in the history of my life. I was literally BLOWN away by how intelligent he was. Smarts, but he also knew how to talk to people. I don't think I will ever forget this meeting - however brief. It may be the last time we see him as he's busy with other stuff. I consider myself lucky to have been graced by such a presence haha. It really puts me in my place - and it is moments like this that made my decision to leave my old post a smart choice.
I also think I need to start paying more attention to Krugman. He's been making a lot of noise in the realm of economic policy in the states. I think I'm still a very green and learning economist, so I naturally gravitate towards the non-Econ stuff he posts on his blog. One was of him raving about Arcade Fire's Haiti performance. Mr Krugman and I have very different musical tastes. Does this spell doom for my econ career?
I spent the latter part of the evening watching Lady Gaga videos. My taste in music is fairly one-dimensional. I really just need 3 elements: a catchy tune, an awesome choreographed dance routine and an amazing voice. The voice doesn't even have to be amazing - but I find that I am very particular about voices when it comes to music. If I were given a chance to post a performance of a musician - I'd probably post something by Jason Mraz or Miss-A (a kpop group). I don't think I have bad taste in music - I think I just haven't developed an appreciation for music akin to Mr Krugman and the population that generally prefers sound/instrumental merit. I'm a POP fan, and I think I always will be. But kpop is the only industry that I allow myself the bubblegum kind.
The other pivotal thing I have been mulling over in my head this past week is the realm of personality traits. I found out I'm an INTP. Personal reveal!!!! I started reading everything about it - and it describes every aspect of my personality. I feel like my whole life's worth of experiences can be described to be attributed to these four traits. It's kind of earth shattering for me. I feel special, but I don't feel special. I feel restricted, but I feel empowered. I feel figured-out, but I feel boundless. It's a lot of strange and contradicting feelings that is still working itself out inside my head. I've really been misunderstood my whole life, and I know sometimes it's also what I want. I have very solid beliefs - but I find that they change frequently as I amass new information. Point of all of this is - and it ties back to what The Smartest Guy I've Ever Met said - "you are nothing special". Yes! He said that to a group of us. It's amazing. I LOVE hearing it. I may be all these things that I am, but lots of other people match it and do better and do more. I don't like not being special - but I certainly love to hear a honest statement. This honesty was what was missing at my last company - and I feel at peace again at this new place.
Lastly - I'll cover one more thing before I'm off to bed. He's right. I'm not special at all. I used to think I have a unique way of reasoning - because I'm me! I figure things out and think about things no one else thinks about. I used to think that I'm making strides no one has ever tread before. Then I found out my personality type - and my life has been so far very consistent with this personality type. And it is something that I most certainly inherited from my parents (my dad mostly I think). And if that is the case, then it is through genetics that I inherited this CRAZY brain of mine (though that's all relative), and that my thoughts and my preferences and my interests are purely the result of genetics. It's not that I CHOSE my religion, or my field of study, or things I like or don't like. It's more like I was genetically coded to can't HELP choosing the things I choose.
That's not fair??? I wish they were my decision making - not my genetic code telling me what decisions to make? My thoughts should be separate from my genetics!?? Right? Please?
Which makes a certain song repeat in my head as it is the song I've been listening to all evening.
Lady Gaga - Born This Way
"my mama told when I was young, you were all born superstars...she rolled my hair and put my lipstick on, in the glass of her boudoir..."
don't be a drag, just be a queen!
That's what I will be. A Queen. Queen of Economics?
Queenomics - cheesy but I need a blog title. Queenomics it is.
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